Fan Stuff!?

I had a talk recently with one of my best friends. We discussed a little about the problems of being a big fan of something or someone. But, in fact, we were talking about a strange fear i got. The fear to be a big fan... A kinda huge fan.

In fact, i have a big addiction problem. I can say with no shame that i have been playing videogames all the day trough, and staring at the computer untill i can't stand awake. Hopefully, i don't drink alcohol often and don't do drugs, but the family records and my attitude show that i might be able to be a hopeless case of an addict.

And so, there are dangers involved. I think that if i get into something i like very much, i can get easily into a fan of it. And that scares me, seeing lot's of people being abdicated fans of whatever they worship. Writing fanfiction, drawing always the same theme, dressing as what they worship, etcetera. And i don't wanna end like that, because i might loose my identity and maybe i will be more isolated than ever.

But this talk i had with Marisol made me realize about something. She made me look what makes the difference between a true fan and a normal guy who likes that stuff...

Keyword: WORSHIP

True, i used it a lot, but i didn't figure it out untill that day. There are people who like something/someone and that's fine with them. They buy related stuff in a while and they listen/watch/play/write/draw/dance/talk about that sometimes. And that's it. And there is the kind of people devoted entirely to that stuff, puting in a place too up for us to understand. So up, we believe they put in instead of God.

Of course, i'm overreacting. There are lot's of "Fan-levels" and i'm just making approaches to reality, and i haven't seen an article or a good analysis about this issue. So, if somebody knows, drop me a comment with the link.

Conclusion: For me, i can be relieved. Beacuse i know when to stop... I guess. Well, if i'm dressing like a girl or a robot, or maybe writing weird stories with no purpose at all, or maybe if i'm drooling on a pixelated character or playing 'till i'm starving to death, or maybe if i'm puting white make-up or puting dark clothes all the time, or maybe if i'm assisting to clubs too often or spending too much money on comics or computer parts, or maybe if i'm speaking non-massive languages and wearing a wizard hat everyday, or if i'm dying my hair blonde and start using pink as my main color, or maybe if i'm tatooing all over my body or painting walls with indecipherable names, or maybe if i'm covering my wallls with swastikas or body-piercening my scrotch. Or maybe if i'm using too much gel on my hair or if i'm using badges all over my clothes or puting non-natural coloured contacts, or if i'm wearing wigs or boots or large jackets or swords or guns or chains or if i'm...

Well, you know. All that stuff... If, then i should remember this post...

I hope the network doesn't fell for a while.

[Please remember i'm just overrreacting. If you are offended, i'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Truly, just take it as a joke]

Isolate

A weird night, i must say. First of all, because it wasn't late. Second of all, i was walking with no purpose... And at last, i was delivering a book.
Yeah, weird night, i said to myself.
I'm not very used to the suburbs... I live in a house near downtown and the hole idea of houses next to each other and friendly neighbors, clean green gardens and a quiet air in the surroundings makes me feel creepy. And there i was, going into a condominium... And that silence was creepy for me.
That, and the guard asking me for my purpose in there. I didn't get it the first time, but then i answered and i was able to keep going. The place was awfully quiet, with a giant park in the middle of the houses, surrounded with a sole lane. I looked around... No sound... Just the wind... Passing trough the hole made by my ears and my headphones...

I ran.

The house, finally. Knock the door, hurry. Another soul at last. And, of course, i gave the book, talk a little and said farewell. Ran again. Said thanks to the guard and keep going, away from that quiet place. Away from the new houses. Away from that lifestyle... I'm sorry, but i can't stand a place so molded, so "made to be the perfect place"...

I stopped running, and i took a deep breath. Lucky me, i was down a cherry tree. Nice smell indeed, they are bloomed.

Keep walking. To your place. To your noise... I said to myself.

Not a snapshot

I am now in the university, where something unusual (or maybe it is usual and i'm just not a very outgoing guy) happened recently.

I was in the computer, cheking my pages and editing my blogs, and suddenly i looked at the monitor next to me. Not because i was intentionally invading the other user's privacy, but because of something else... The colors... The architecture of the page... HE IS A DEVIANTART USER!!!!

As you might know, i own a deviantart account. There i submit my artwork, which mostly consist in photos and abstract drawings. Soon i'll put another kinds of style, but i'm covering that topics now. The point now is, i never thought someone next to me in the same faculty and in the same university (that's not very "uncommon" to me) has a deviantart account... And the most frightening, i know what account is and what he does (is a "he", by the way).
So then, what to do? Talk to him? "Hey, you know... I've been carefully watching you the hole time, and i noticed you have a deviantart account. So..." That doesn't have any sense to me. Maybe and we don't have the same interests (difficult, with assisting to the same faculty and so), so then again... What to do?...

And, eventually, he leaves the room...

He noticed i was also managing my account, too... So... I never said anything...

But i maybe will... In his account...

[Wow. I checked his site and he is taking the same carreer than i...]

Garden on your shoes.

Well, something i did in my room caught my attention and i looked foward to it.

I was organizong the files, tiding up my roon... And suddenly, i was imaging... Nothing unusual to me, i have the imagination of an hiperactive kid, mixed with a wackied scientist and a weird psychic. But then, i weeped out my thoughts and there i was, standing like a zombie, almost drooling, whitout been able to do anything.
Is Imagination dangerous? I think not, personnally. Thanks to it, we have been able to create, and therefore we built our society based on the two most important gifts our brains give: Our Knowledge and our Imagination... There is, however, certain level of "abstraction" due to been able to run the process in our own minds. And, of course, this abstraction is not blocking the other vital procesess that keep ourselves alive. Then, it's normal to be abstracted at some point of our regular basis, at some level that doesn't isolates us from the outer world and every action taken among and over us. Yet, in my case, there seems to be a higher level of abstraction, due to my recent experiences (it's not the first time) which seems to block me from the outer world, but still keeps the vital processes active.
And that worries me.
Of course, my imagination must be, at some point, the usual everybody has. Yet, that can be discusable, by arguments such as "level of creativity" and "openmindeness". But that's not the issue. The facts are i am a human vegetable when i'm imaging something, and who knows what can happen in the future because of it...

Conclusions? I don't know. I'm thinking about them...


[6 hours later]

Citizen!!

I just fixed an extension lead, and i thought about the things in my room.
I have the usual stuff, like a bed, a chair and a table i bought in the summer. I like the table because it can turn around, like the ones from the hospitals. Anyway, there are also posters. Mostly TV and movie related, for example the one about Godzilla and the "The Day after Tomorrow" one. But... There are also other things and that's my concern.

Let's say, i have a lot of stuff...

First of all, lots and lots of rocks. Most of them where colected from my trip to the Atacama Desert, but there are other taken from all over the country, and others from all over the world. I even have fossils, and some undetermined pieces.
On the other hand, i have a drawer full of receipts... You know, the ones that give you when you buy something. From the bus, from a doughnut, from the laundry, etcetera. Specially bus tickets, which they are compressed to fit in the drawer. I also have lots of opened cans and empty bottles.

And there goes the question: Why do i collect such things?

I do not say this in order to harm the collectors or anything, but i don't even have more space to drop more things. So, why then?.

To me, the answer is quite obvious: Because they are related to my memories.

Yes, believe it or not, i have all those rocks because they make me remember some situations i want to remember. Let's take, for example, this receipt from the laundry. It comes from the day i drop my cup of milk on my coat. I was very worried, and my mom said "Why don't you go to the laundry? They can clean it for you" So, i went from the first time in a laundry shop, i asked for it, and they told me i wair untill next morning. And so i did. I was relieved, and my coat was cleaner than ever.
Or this empty bottle of Cola-Cola. It has a funny blue color, because it was from a limited summer edition, and i bought it in our way back to Santiago from Coquimbo, more speciffically in Huentelauquén, a town well known for its cheese factory. I drank it with some cheese pasties. WOndrfull moment.
So, what can i say? I'm just a citizen who needs things to remember his own life. Like if having a brain wasn't enough....

[Some images later]

Mi(ssed and mi)xed subject

First point received. I was zapping on the kitchen TV and i left it on some sort of techie show where a guy smarter than the computer itself was able to do live technical support to those guy who asked for it. Well, i knew about this show last Tuesday, thanks to Felipe, and i was really interested in what this guy was about to inform. But my brother called me, i left my mom (who by the way has a very clear possition against computers and videogames) watching the show. Then he yelled at me, i went to the kitchen and there she was, pointing at the guy telling to the audience how a corean guy died after playing videogames 50 hours straight, and yelling at me about the risks of using the computer... Again.
I mean, i'm very aware about the risks. I, as a matter of fact, am not as many hours on the computer as some people i know. And, if i'm at the computer, i also left some food and water on the desk. I can also just left the work i'm doing to go to the bathroom or to do something else, leaving my friends waiting for my answer or a proccess running alone.
But my mom keeps reminding me the subject, and i can't change her mind from now.

Second point gladly accepted. The semester started and i'm on the schedule now. I can't wait for the classes and the new subjects we are gonna cover. The only thing i'm not very interested about is the English course, wich i guess it will only improve my vocabularty a bit and will bring me back the principles of basic grammar.
Bleh, i hope the professor teachs well.

Third point assimilated. I talked with my family last week and the told me i could be more sincere with my friends. But then Felipe asks me something i couldn't answer. "Is it really neccessary to be honest with me?". And of course, the punchline: "It looks like you don't act honestly". I was shocked. I always think i'm acting the way i like to. But then the question stands. Do i really act like me? like myself? Or i'm just acting? I couldn't figure the answer at that time, and from then i can't yet. I must analyze into my deppest thoughts, my childhood, my experiences... And maybe there the answer relays.
Well, at least to be honest with my dad would be easier... Or not?

Forth point truncated. I'm expecting my auntie (who has three more years than i, so is more like a cousin) to buy the tickets to the Moby concert this September 12th. It's the first time he comes here, and i'm not gonna miss it. Of course, it could be better, bringing here Ske (Hehehe) or Radiohead, but i like Moby too, and i would really enjoy listening to his music live. Plus, it's my first concert... In my life... Yeah, i ussually don't go out as much as i want to.

Fifth point forgotten. I'm going to eat my lunch before it rottens.
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